


A Bookman Has No Need for a Math Credit

by Honestly Neptune (mypennameishidden)



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: College AU, Drabble, F/F, F/M, I attempt humor, Kanda attempts Murder, Lenalee continues to be better than all of them, M/M, Multi, OT4
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-19
Updated: 2016-05-19
Packaged: 2018-06-09 11:25:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6903928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mypennameishidden/pseuds/Honestly%20Neptune
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Lavi is in Calculus against his will, Kanda loves to murder people, Allen only shows up to count cards, and Lenalee is just trying to pass the class.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Bookman Has No Need for a Math Credit

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize. dedicated to my awful instigator choromtasu.tumblr.com u should check them out

The sun was shining, the birds were singing, the kids were playing outside, and Lavi wished for death. How could he not, when the dreaded words “Group Project” came up in his least favorite class?

 

As a history major, and a lazy one to boot, that fact that Lavi had to take a math class offended him greatly. Who cared about numbers anyway? Lavi didn’t want skills that would help him enter into the workforce, Lavi wanted to read dusty tombs and act superior to those around him based on his understanding of Latin.

 

But Black Order University, a previously Catholic college that lost the religion but kept the evil, did not care for the opinion of a handsome, one-eyed genius. In fact, Black Order University just did not care. So, yeah, that was his home for the next four years; he honestly could not wait. The only downside, besides the mad scientists scattered around campus kidnapping students at random, was the Mandatory Calculus Class.

The MCC was truly terrible in twelve terrifying ways, if Lavi did say so himself, and the fact that his classmates were probably as insane as the teachers at BOU did not help its case. One guy carried around a samurai sword for fuck’s sake! Who the Hell let him so that? And the teacher, Cross or something, was drunk the entire class! Not to mention he literally threw a chair at one of the students on the first place, the one with white hair and the weird tattoos, and it would have hit him if a girl hadn’t destroyed it with a  _ roundhouse kick _ .

Yeah, so MCC was in Wonderland and Lavi was officially fucked.

On top of that, there was a group project coming up, and the group’s were  _ assigned.  _ So, who would Lavi be stuck with: the woman with the monkey, the boy who looked like he was 12, the girl obsessed with clocks, or the guy who was a legitimate vampire? Well, the results came in, and the answer was none of the above!

Lavi was just  _ so excited  _ to learn he was stuck with the girl with killer legs (literally), the boy who was so good at counting cards he could pass this class on that skill alone, and Mr. Anachronism who carried his personality problems around in a sword sheath. Great. Lovely. Amazing.

“So, do we really have to work with the guy muttering to himself?” asked the card shark, pretending like he was  _ so normal.  _ Lavi had on good authority that he was the most normal person in the class, Latin skills and quiet muttering regardless. Honestly the judgment was so hypocritical considering that not five minutes before the groups were assigned the white-haired boy had been doing one handed push-ups. For no reason. 

Mrs. Probably-an-Assassin next to him hit him lightly on the arm (which looked like it was completely red  _ what the fuck)  _ before turning to Lavi with a smile that looked like she was about to tear him apart just because she could. Or maybe he was being paranoid. One of those things. “Ignore him, we’re very happy to work with you.” The silent, angry, possibly murderous boy next to her snorted. Yeah, like Lavi was so happy to work with them too. Lavi decided that the only way out of this assignment was death by a would be samurai and this was obviously the best course of action.

“Ahh, don’t be so rude! I’m happy to work with you too,” he grinned, waiting for a response. Lavi had on good authority that his voice was capable of inciting violence if he put his mind to it and he really wanted to test that theory out. 

“Don’t call me by my first name!”

“Wait, you is your first name?”

“It’s Yuu, which is Japanese you dipshit rabbit.”

“You gave me a nickname already! I think we’re bonding, Yuu.”

With a shout Yuu lunged at him, drawing his sword (shit that is sharp) in one smooth motion. It would have looked really cool if not for the fact that Mrs. Scary Smile and Mr. I Could Rob You Blind both stopped him in what looked to be like a rehearsed action. They sighed in unison, a sound so disappointed that parents everywhere wished they could copy it, and shoved Yuu into a chair.

The girl started lecturing him harshly about “Not again” and “We can’t pay for any more hospital bills” while her slightly less murderous buddy sat down across from Lavi at the table. He smiled faintly while taking out a deck of cards. Could Lavi be killed with a deck of cards? Before attending BOU he would have said “Fuck no,” but after being enrolled it what was possibly a math class for X-Men rejects he  was starting to rethink his answer.

“So, Lavi,” said the boy, smiling in a way that made Lavi think of lions and gazelles, “It would seem we all have to work together. Call me Allen, call her Lenalee, and I suggest calling him Kanda - if you don’t want to get stabbed, that is.”

Lavi had an intense premonition of fucking up on the project and Allen serving him poisoned tea. Did Allen drink tea? He sounded British, but Lavi didn’t want to presume anything, because while Kanda was more violent than Allen, it seemed like Allen was the more dangerous of the two. But not to forget Lenalee, the girl who could probably kick down a cinder block wall.

X-Men rejects or X-Men villains?

“Well, I for one think we should get started now that we’re all introduced. Why don’t we complete the project in Lavi’s room? My brother said he has a suite with no roommates!” She gathered up the papers, apparently deciding that there was no point in further debate about the issue, and gave Lavi a big hug. She smelled like cinnamon and danger (and Lavi should not like that what the fuck was wrong with him??) while Yuu glared on.

“Do we really have to work with  _ him? _ ”

“Don’t be an idiot, BaKanda, the groups were assigned.”

“What did you say to me Beansprout?”

“Boys, calm down, we’ll scare him away.”

“Too late,” he muttered, trying to wrap his head around what looked to be shared insanity. Could he catch it? Would he slowly be consumed by the horror that was MCC until he too walked around with killer smiles and samurai swords? Oh god. What if it was already too late for him, and this group project just represented the beginning of the end?

There was movement to his left and Lavi felt a cool hand touch his forehead. “He looks as white as my hair, and I didn’t know that was possible.” Allen continued to feel around his face and Lavi was honestly not prepared for everything that was happening today; on top of the three of them being probably insane, they were also all  _ super hot.  _ Like, really attractive, and also not scared of being in his personal space apparently. 

“Look, now you’ve done it. The damn rabbit is blushing,” Kanda scoffed, still sitting down at the table after making no move to help clean up. Allen sighed softly before standing up and and giving Kanda the fakest smile Lavi had ever seen on a face (excluding the puppets from Chuck-E-Cheese).

 

Lenalee, who must be psychic, turned from her work and gave both of them quick hits to the head. They both winced and Lavi realized that Lenalee didn’t just have strong legs -  no, she had strong  _ everything.  _ He was going to die because of this project and he wasn’t even sure he cared anymore.

Yuu growled in annoyance but didn’t make a move to draw his sword which just confirmed to Lavi that everyone was scared shitless of Lenalee. He laughed and immediately Yuu turned the force of his ire on him. “What do you want?”

“I just think Yuu is so cute!”

“ _ What?” _

In the background he noticed Lenalee and Allen packing up their stuff and his. They left the room and for some reason left the door open behind them, and they took his and Kanda’s stuff as well. Why?

“Oh come on, you’re adorable.”

“I’ll kill you!”

Oh, that’s why they left the door open. That was kind of them, thought Lavi briefly as he ran for his life. Well, if he get’s run through with a sword he won’t have to think about math…...

**Author's Note:**

> If i write a sequel it will just be a large cuddle pile  
> tumblr is humansdonthavewings.tumblr.com


End file.
